"Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store."

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How the Grinch Stole Christmas
1966; Narrated by Boris Karloff
Directed by Chuck Jones and Ben Washam

Even if you didn't grow up with Dr Suess books as nightly rituals, you've probably seen a TV re-run of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Even Suess haters (ahem, my mother) grudgingly admit that the Grinch is a Christmas staple. Boris Karloff (of Frankenstein fame) narrates in his deliciously dark, thick, oozing voice. You could drink that voice like melted chocolate. The animation is vintage Suess (though not actually drawn by him), the rhymes nonsensically sensible and literate. (If you think it's easy to come up with Suess-quality rhymes, try it sometime. The nearest old lady will probably tell you to eat something).

You already know the story, how the Grinch can't stand the noise, noise, noise. How he hates the Whos down in Whoville, with their merrymaking every Christmas. You know how he comes up with his dastardly plan, forcing his dog, Max, into it with him. How he steals Christmas...or so he thinks. I know it's coming, but I always get a little teary anyway. Even though the trees, decorations, presents, wreaths, candy canes, roast beast, are gone...even the last can of Who Hash has been stolen...... Christmas comes anyway. The Whos gather and sing praises and welcome Christmas. Their faces are alight with joy. And the Grinch? Well, his heart grew at least three sizes that day. And then, the forgiving Whos, like all good Whos, welcome him into their circle and feast with him.

When you make these lemon bars, sweet yet fiercely sour, thin but aggressive, you'll know why they suit How the Grinch Stole Christmas.




I made these bars with a pretzel crust, inspired by a chocolate coconut square with a pretzel crust, that I'd eaten once when I was twelve. I've always wanted to make a pretzel crust (hey, it only took me 14 years) and it seemed particularly suited to a lemon filling. The filling was adapted from a recipe my mom gave me for lemon meringue pie. I think she got it from Epicurious.com.

They turned out fairly well, but were a bit more runny than I was expecting. I guess, having not made many lemon desserts with curd (ok, having never made lemon curd, sticking to lemon sponge cakes and the like), I was expecting my curd to be more jelly-ish and stick together, hunching its shoulders in solidarity as it gathered itself within the confines of the crust, standing proud and fierce on the plate. Hmmm... Not so much. The result was delicious and the perfect amount of mouth-puckering sour and palate-soothing sweet. And the texture wasn't a complete disaster. The filling did set somewhat; it wasn't running all over the plate, which I would have found highly annoying. It just...slumped. A little bit, over its crust, like a mama hen settling her feathers over her chicks. This crust, being crunchy and chewy and salty and sweet and buttery and perfect, did not need the mothering, but perhaps it was glad of it all the same. We sometimes are, you know.


LEMON BARS

Crust:

100 grams of pretzels (about 1 cup of crushed pretzels)
1/3 cup melted butter
2 tablespooons sugar

Filling:

1 cup sugar
5 tablespoons cornstarch
1 cup water
1/2 cup whole milk
4 egg yolks
1 tablespoon butter
1/2 cup fresh-squeezed lemon juice

Preheat your oven to 350 Fahrenheit.

For the crust, crush the pretzels in a food processor fitted with the metal blade, or in a Ziploc bag, bashing them with a rolling pin. They don't have to be powder. Mix the pretzel crumbs with the melted butter and sugar and spread in the bottom of an 8x8 inch baking pan. Bake for 12 minutes and then set aside to cool.For the filling, whisk together sugar and cornstarch. Gradually whisk in water and milk, whisking until cornstarch is dissolved. In a bowl whisk together egg yolks. Cook milk mixture over moderate heat, whisking, until it comes to a boil.

Gradually whisk about 1 cup milk mixture into yolks and whisk yolk mixture into milk mixture. Simmer mixture, whisking, 3 minutes. (It will thicken. Don't worry; I got a little nervous (it being custard and all) and took it off too soon, which is probably why my squares weren't as solid as I'd hoped.) Remove pan from heat and whisk in butter and lemon juice until butter is melted.



Pour filling onto your cooled crust and refrigerate until set, at least 2 hours. Serve cold and fierce.